“Anyone who requites faith and friendship as I did, will have to pay for it.”
The Professor’s House by Willa Cather.
I’ve already shared my review of this novel, and this quote has inspired me to write this post.
The reason behind this quote was the loss of a friend —not through death, but through disagreement and disappointment. One was an idealist, the other an opportunist. Though they made good company together, at the first conflict, their paths parted. It was the idealist who said these words, lamenting the loss of true friendship to uncompromising ideals.
Faith and friendship are such precious gifts— too precious to be returned, too fragile to be repaired.
One is blessed to have them strong, and to keep them safe and nourished.
How strong? How safe, how nourished?
The balance depends on how much you are committed.
Along this journey,
perfection and idealism are neither required nor recommended.
Materialism, modernism, and other -isms have no place here.
These precious gifts need a simple home with strong pillars.
Understanding and sincerity can be the main pillars.
But, if the pillars break, the building will collapse.
Then, regret follows,
and what a heavy, merciless creditor regret can be!
In brief, this is my interpretation of the quote, which I see as the bulb of the book. And perhaps you might think of it as… just a pat on the shoulder on the first of December.
How many beautiful quotes and sayings do you know about friendship? Loads, I am sure.
But, how many of these fantastic quotes reflect your friendship experience in real life? A few, and I believe that “true friendship is rare” is the most realistic adage.
Years ago, as we were relocating, my middle son was so upset because he didn’t want to leave his friends. The more I explained how it was a good promotion opportunity for his father and all of us, the angrier he became. Then he exploded: “It’s easy for you because you have no friends.”
I didn’t know why his words hurt so much, though they were true. It’s not that I have never had any friends, or that I am an introvert, or I don’t like socialising. I am not. Besides, if the long list of contacts on your phone and social media accounts counts as true friends, then I have enough. Do you think they count? I don’t think so, because friendship is about quality, not quantity.
By the way, what is a friend?
A friend is someone who crosses your path naturally, smoothly, and unexpectedly. They make you feel comfortable. They truely listen, and genuinely talk.They make you laugh, weep, and even get mad. They wish you well, and mean no harm. Above all, they trust you, and you trust them.
You may say this perspective of a friend is too angelic to find in the human world. But, I don’t mean they have to be perfect. I don’t expect them to be flawless. I don’t ask for a stong CV with high qualifications, extensive work experience, and a dazzling photo on top of it.
I only expect my friend to be a human with a genuine presence. A friend who wouldn’t disappear all of a sudden, and would ask about me if I did. A friend who promises to call and keep their promise. Is this too much?
Perhaps, that’s why we made the best friends in the simple, carefree, and funny phase of childhood. But later on, things take a different route. In our teen years, friendship becomes moody, insecure, and even dangerous, just a reflection of the phase. In adulthood, it is casual, business – like, and a pastime much like social media. In middle age, it is a good book – the best friend indeed. And, in old age, I believe it will be a blend of good and bad memories.
By the way, this is my perspective on friends and friendship, and as we say in Arabic, it’s not the Holly Quran, so you can disagree.
Now, back to my son’s words. He didn’t ‘intend to hurt my feelings. He was about eleven years old, and his friends meant the world to him. He didn’t know about the phases of friendship, nor did he expect his mother to have gone through the same experiences with their ups and downs. Now, he’s twenty – two, and he has forgotten about his childhood friends, and has to move for better opportunities. It’s funny how I am the one asking about the whereabouts of his old friends. In most cases, he doesn’t know.
Isn’t that just how life is?
With hope and peace,
Nahla
P.S. I started this post last Friday, night but due to many intqerruptions including having a bad cold, It took longer than usual. Finally, it’s all done.
Have you ever heard this saying? It makes sense, doesn’t it?
Isn’t it odd that one can be your friend and your rival’s, your opponent’s, even your enemy’s? You can, of course, be kind to all, but not a friend to all. I am not talking about social media friends, for in this case you can be a friend to millions. Online frienhip is exactly what it implies “online”. I am talking about real, close friends who you can trust, love, agree, or even disagree with. Perhaps that’s why true friendship is a rare gem, too hard to find and too precious to keep.
In fiction, and in real life, true friendhip could take you by surprise. An old man might be a young child’s best friend, a man of the world might be a saint’s, a prisoner might be his keeper’s, and an animal might be a man’s. In all cases, its the quality, not quantity that makes unique friendships.
Wouldn’t it be better if this friend of all should be a passerby after all?
Perhaps you can change the saying and add whatever you like.
Describe an item you were incredibly attached to as a youth. What became of it?
Take care of your stuff, son. Nahla will bin anything she thinks is of no need or use.” My mother warned my husband, laughing, when we married years ago.
I don’t get as attached to things or places as I do to people, and sometimes animals. Perhaps that explains why whenever we move to a new place, I adapt quickly, and feel more excited than nervous.
On the other hand, getting attached to people is such a hard, painful experience because that’s life; always changing, always full of surprises.
One day, during the last year of my high school, my best friend’s mother knocked on our door around seven o’clock in the evening. I was surprised to see her as I had barely seen her when I visited my friend. But then, I understood that she was looking for her daughter (my friend) who left the house early in the morning after having a big row with her older brother. Shocked and trembling, I told her I hadn’t seen her at all that day. The mother left, her face full of anger and disappointment. I wept buckets that evening that my sister felt sorry for me and suggested we walk to my friend’s house to see if she had gone home. She did return, and I hugged her so long when she opened the door.
A week or so later, when I entred my class at school, I found another girl taking my friend’s seat next to me. Before I could ask about my friend, the girl gestured to one of the back benches and told me my friend wanted to swap places from now on. As I turned back to see where my friend was, I saw her laughing with one of boldest, most talkive girl in our year group. It hurt so much, more than the day I thought she would never return home. That day, I wept hard, but she was no longer my friend.
From that day on, especially after years of living abroad and meeting different people, I have enough of experience that my attachment to others has become less and less emotional. I have been training and teaching myself to be cool and practical, and expect less than more from others. And, things turn out to be much easier this way; simply like exchanging hellos and Goodbyes.
Throughout our life journey, we usually meet with a lot of people: different people, strange people, and special people. There is an Arabic saying that means; the friend to all is lonely. Or, in other words, the friend to all, has no friends. Do you agree? I do.
I have never had too many friends. As a matter of fact, I’ve never had more than two in every stage of my life. Having this few, or better say one friend every now and then, I have come to appreciate friendship as a unique and pleasant experience that involoves more than just people. This why I agree with the Arabic saying. I encountered people who have tried their best to make as many friends as possible. But, the process often proved futile when they find not a single friend who can listen or be around when they need someone. Just then, they feel lonely even with so many around.
Friendship is a noble and rare experience isn’t it? And, a friend should be a special person. And, by the way, ‘special’ can mean too many things but it doesn’t imply perfection. And, what I value most in a friend is their honesty.
What else could be better than being a true friend? Honesty. It really hurts when, one day, you find out that your friend was using you just like a taxi driver who’s been booked to take them to a certain destination. Once they arrive, they slam the door and left without even offering a goodbye note.
Ayla is a 2017 Turkish movie; tells the story of a Turkish sergeant and a Korean little girl. It is based on a true story happened during the Korean War.
It’s about humanity and pure love. One night, when the moon was full, the sergeant found a little girl, terrified, shaking, not just of the freezing cold but also of the disaster, the inhumane massacre surrounded her fragile little frame.
A stranger, with a different tongue and a kind heart, became the girl’s papa. He saved her, cared about her, and never abandoned her. And she understood him, trusted him, and even loved him as her real papa.
But when the mission ended, the sergeant had to go back to his country, and by law, the little girl could not leave with him.
Did she forget her foreign papa? Did he forget the daughter of war? Never.
Fate brought them back together after sixty years.
It reminded me of I’m David movie by Paul Feig; wonderful stories with beautiful messages.
It’s available on Youtube, but with no English subtitles.
Herewith snaps of the movie, hope you will enjoy it.
Pure and Simple 